By: James Robilotta
That disconnection can spawn from many sources. Some men may be introverts, who are traditionally slower at letting others in. Some could be tired or lazy and just don’t want to exert energy towards curiosity or compassion. But more often then not the disconnection occurs because of insecurity.
Insecurity causes humans to hold themselves back, to be more concerned with status, and to share less of their story. It forces one to assume more both about the other person and about how we think they feel about us. This leads to building walls, talking defensively, and prevents us from getting hurt. But it also prevents us from connection.
One of my favorite movies of all time is Good Will Hunting. And in one of my favorite scenes, we can see both sides of men in conversation—the insecurity, and the connection. Notice how flippantly Matt Damon’s character is speaking in the beginning. When is the last time you were that way in a conversation? How did you leave that convo: indifferent or insightful?
Then watch the way Robin Williams’ character opens the door to connection. Who was the last person you interacted with that did not let the conversation stay disconnected? How did you leave that convo: indifferent or insightful?
Men we have the opportunity to change the way we speak to each other, but it is going to take courage.Take a brother out for late night pancakes and allow yourself to be curious about them. Much like Robin Williams’ character, that may mean sharing some of your own story first, but that’s a risk you must take. As he said in the clip, “Your move, Chief.”
Quick warning, there is some vulgarity in the clip. Please try to push past that and see the deeper meaning.
To learn more about James Robilotta and his programs visit http://campuspeak.com/speaker/james-robilotta/