From Dorm Rooms to DMs: How to Practice Healthy Boundaries in Everyday College Life

Categorized: Communication, Relationships

You hear it all the time: Set boundaries.

But what does that actually mean, and how do you even start?

Boundaries aren’t just about saying no. They’re about knowing what you need in a situation, and
finding a way to say it that feels right for you. That takes a little thought, a little courage, and a lot of practice.

Before you even say a word, start here:
1. Ask yourself: What do I actually want?
What feels okay to me? What doesn’t? What’s making me uncomfortable or stressed right now?

You can’t communicate a boundary if you haven’t checked in with yourself first.

2. Give yourself permission to say it.
You’re not being rude. You’re not selfish. You don’t have to “have a good reason.” You’re allowed to set limits just because something doesn’t feel right.

3. Prepare for the moment.
You don’t have to wing it. Practice what you want to say out loud or in your notes app. It can be short, simple, and kind. You’re just giving someone information about you – and that’s okay.

Once you’ve had that honest check-in with yourself, the next step is noticing where boundaries might actually come up in your daily life.

Spoiler alert: it’s not just about the big, dramatic moments. It’s the little stuff in the conversations and situations you’re in all the time.
So where do boundaries actually show up?

They show up in the places you live, study, connect, and communicate – with your roommates, in group chats, dating apps and hookups, and class projects or campus clubs. You might not even realize a boundary is needed until something feels off, uncomfortable, or overwhelming. The more you notice these everyday situations, the easier it becomes to speak up when something isn’t working for you.

 

So, let’s take a look at what this might look (and sound) like:

Roommates
You don’t need to put up with things that make you uncomfortable just to “keep the peace.”

Try saying:

  • “I need a little quiet time after class to recharge.”
  • “Can we figure out a cleaning schedule that works for both of us?”

Group Chats
It’s okay to step back from a group thread, especially if it’s draining or toxic.

Try:

  • “I’m gonna mute this for a bit. Just need a break.”
  • Or just silently leave. That’s valid too.

Dating Apps & Hookups
You’re allowed to change your mind, take things slow, or say no at any point.

Try:

  • “That’s not something I’m comfortable with.”
  • “I’m not in the right headspace for this right now.”

Class Projects & Campus Clubs
You don’t have to say yes to everything.

Try:

  • “I can’t take that on this week – can someone else lead this part?”
  • “Let’s check in. I feel like I’m doing more than my share.”

No matter where they show up, boundaries are about being honest with yourself and others –
even when it feels a little uncomfortable.

 

So, what if you’re scared to say something?
You’re not alone.
One of the biggest reasons we hold back on setting boundaries is fear – fear of hurting someone’s feelings, making things awkward, or being seen as rude.

But here’s something to think about:

If a friend told you they were uncomfortable, wouldn’t you want to know?
Most people would.
Most people appreciate honesty, especially when it’s said with care.

We just don’t always expect the same grace for ourselves. We assume the other person will be mad or hurt – even though, if the roles were reversed, we’d probably respond with respect and appreciation.

So try flipping it:
If someone’s behavior was affecting you, would you want them to speak up?
Chances are, yes. So give yourself permission to do the same.

Being clear isn’t mean. Avoiding the conversation doesn’t protect the relationship – it just makes things harder for you. When you express your needs with honesty and respect, you’re actually giving the relationship a chance to grow stronger.

Bottom line: Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about showing up honestly.

You don’t need a crisis to set a boundary. You just need to trust that what you feel matters.
This week, try it:

  • Pause
  • Check in with yourself
  • Practice saying one thing out loud – even if it’s just to your mirror or your notes app

You’ve got this.
And remember that you don’t have to do it perfectly – just honestly.