Why Your Presence Matters More Than Perfection
My name is Tianna Faye Soto and I am a Puerto Rican, Jamaican-Chinese keynote speaker based in New York City. I share heart-centered, service-driven educational programs that are always rooted in empathy. I believe you deserve to feel happy, healthy, and confident about your journey. As we look to the school year ahead, here are some reflections that I hope will serve as a personal reminder that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.
Some of the best life lessons come from uncomfortable moments.
Back when I was a high school student, I made the decision one day to join my school’s cross-country team. At the time, I had been told that participating in athletics might be a “good thing to have on my resume” for college applications. I was already involved in theater, music, and a number of other activities, so I thought, “Running can’t be that hard, right?”
I quickly realized how challenging running was. Every team practice and every 5k race, I came in last place, eyes burning with tears and cheeks stinging with embarrassment. I prayed for the coach to cut me from the roster, but plot twist, he didn’t—and I’d go on to run on the team every season after.
Over time, I improved. I became more comfortable with running for the sake of running and personal wellness, not my time or speed. By the end of my cross-country journey, I learned that showing up for myself was more important than perfection.
In college, I learned the value of self-care.
As a first-generation college student, I was thrilled when I got into college and committed to NC State University. Underneath my excitement, I also felt a ton of pressure to succeed. So, like many of you probably have done (or are considering), I said yes to absolutely everything that was offered to me—double majors, jobs, leadership roles, extracurricular activities, campus events, and more. One particular night in the library, I remember running on coffee and adrenaline, racing to finish an assignment. When I finally closed my laptop, I looked out the window and realized that it was now morning—and yet again, I had pulled another consecutive all-nighter in my pursuit of success. It was at that moment that I realized I was repeatedly pushing myself to the limit without caring for my well-being.
This constant state of hustle and perfectionism is often described as “duck syndrome,” where you appear calm on the surface but are paddling frantically underneath. Duck syndrome, an informal phrase originally coined by students at Stanford, can often signify a combination of burnout, anxiety, and depression. It’s common among college students and professionals who juggle multiple responsibilities and feel the pressure to succeed—but really, it applies to all of us.
If you tend to say “yes” to everything and think you might be struggling with duck syndrome, here are some tips to take with you into the year ahead.
Practice self-compassion.
First and foremost, be kind to yourself. Everyone struggles at some point in their lives, and you are not alone in what you’re going through. Think about a person (or even a pet!) that you love so much you’d never say anything bad about them or to them. You probably speak to them pretty kindly, right? Now, think of the voice you use to talk to yourself on your hardest days. Probably not the same, right? See if you can release the pressure to be perfect and speak kindly to yourself, especially when it’s hard.
Set realistic goals (and keep checking in with them throughout the year).
When starting a new chapter, it can feel overwhelming to tackle all of the things you want to accomplish. To alleviate that pressure, try breaking down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Maybe you set benchmarks throughout the semester, ask a friend to hold you accountable, or pick a specific day of the week to work on a certain project or goal. This approach can help prevent overwhelm. It makes your to-do list feel more attainable, which can help you manage stress and maintain a sense of accomplishment.
Learn to say “no.”
Overachievers, repeat after me… It is okay to say no! In fact, it’s great for your mental health. Overcommitting can lead to a rough cycle of stress and burnout. Prioritize your tasks and commitments, and don’t be afraid to decline additional responsibilities if you feel you don’t have the time, energy, or bandwidth to engage. I promise, work and opportunities will always be there—but your health and wellness should always come first.
Ask for help and seek support (during light and dark times).
If you’re going through duck syndrome, your instinct might be to shut down and close yourself off from family, friends, and peers. However, what’s actually beneficial in these moments is community. Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or mental health professionals for support. Sharing your feelings can provide relief and new perspectives on managing stress. Building a strong support network is crucial for navigating challenges and feeling understood.
Burnout is not a badge of honor.
Over the years, I’ve worked in various settings—universities, corporations, nonprofits, wellness studios, and more. One thing I’ve learned is that everyone struggles with something, even if it doesn’t appear that way on the outside, and even if they aren’t vocalizing it. I promise you do not have to live in a state of chaos and stress to be loved, accepted, or successful. Burnout is not a badge of honor.
If you are experiencing stress or burnout, know that it’s okay not to be okay. Practice self-compassion, and prioritize your well-being the best that you can—and don’t be afraid to ask for support and accountability if you need help with this along the way. Remember, your presence is more important than your perfection. Your story matters, and you deserve to feel proud of who you are—and the (amazing!) person you are becoming.
I hope that this year, you can embrace and honor your authentic self.
My hope for you is to remain hopeful and open-minded, even when the path forward is unclear. Be gentle and patient with yourself. You deserve to feel safe, secure, and proud of who you are. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You are not behind, even when it feels like you are trailing in last place.