Adventurer, Passenger, or Skeptic? A Framework for Growth
Whether I’m working with college students navigating campus life, professionals stepping into leadership roles, or creatives reconnecting to purpose—I find myself coming back to one simple truth:
The way we approach a moment often matters more than the moment itself.
But here’s the challenge: most of us aren’t taught to pause and check in with ourselves before acting. We power through. We overthink. We hesitate. We jump in too fast or hold back completely.
And sometimes, what we need most is to ask:
What mindset am I bringing into this? Is it helping me move forward—or keeping me stuck?
One framework I share often with clients, students, and teams is something I first encountered in my Start with Heart facilitator training with Graydin. Over time, I adapted it for myself and others as a way to better understand how we engage with uncertainty, opportunity, and everyday decision-making.
It starts with this question:
Am I showing up as an Adventurer, a Passenger, or a Skeptic?
The 3 Mindsets
Let’s break each one down a little further—because they all have strengths and shadow sides. The goal isn’t to label yourself, but to understand the energy you’re bringing into a situation:
Adventurer
Advantage: Curious, enthusiastic, and willing to take the lead. Comfortable with uncertainty and eager to learn through experience.
Limitation: Can overextend or take charge as a way to manage discomfort. Might “fill the space” too quickly or miss nuance in group settings.
Passenger
Advantage: Open, neutral, and observant. Able to take things in without pressure or urgency. Often good at holding space.
Limitation: May hesitate to engage fully. Can fall into “good enough” energy or stay on the sidelines too long.
Skeptic
Advantage: Thoughtful, discerning, and great at asking important questions. Offers necessary boundaries and risk awareness.
Limitation: Can resist change out of fear. Might block growth or connection by overthinking, over-controlling, or defaulting to “no.”
You might think the goal is to always be the Adventurer—but that’s not the case. The real power comes from noticing which mindset you’re in—and why.
Are you choosing it? Or defaulting to it out of fear, habit, or exhaustion?
This Isn’t Just Theory—It’s Personal
This framework has been a game-changer in helping me recognize my own patterns. A perfect example? Joining my run club.
Coming out of the isolation of the COVID years, I realized how much I was craving real community again. I also needed more accountability with my running—something to help me stay grounded and motivated. So I started looking into local NYC run clubs.
I found one that felt like a great fit—friendly vibe, welcoming energy, low pressure. But instead of jumping in, I hovered in Passenger mode. I followed their Instagram. I watched their posts.
For two whole months… I did nothing.
Then, finally, my Adventurer had a moment of courage. On Memorial Day weekend 2023, I showed up for my first Saturday run.
At first, I kept to Saturdays—they felt manageable for my introverted nature. But soon, I noticed the Wednesday night runs were where the real community seemed to gather. Bigger groups. More social energy. More possibility—and more vulnerability.
It took me six months to get up the nerve to go. And even when I did? My Skeptic showed up in full force. At the post-run hangout, I felt unsure and out of place and my inner Gremlin whispered:
You’re not good enough. You don’t belong. Everyone else already has their people.
This is where the power of the framework really clicked.
Instead of letting my Skeptic run the show, I got curious. I asked myself:
What’s really going on underneath this discomfort?
I noticed that my hesitation wasn’t about the people—it was about the story I was telling myself. A familiar one. A protective one. One rooted in fear, not truth.
So I shifted. I softened.I leaned into Passenger mode and gave myself permission to just show up. Not to perform. Not to impress. Just to be in the room.
That one shift changed everything. The more I said yes—to brunch invites, group runs, social gatherings—the more confident I became. Over time, my Adventurer stepped back in.
When the Adventure Got Bigger
Fast forward to this past winter: I got invited on a ski trip with some folks from the run club.
Skiing was a big part of my life growing up, but I hadn’t been in years. My Adventurer gave a quick and joyful “yes.”
But as the weekend approached? My Skeptic got louder.
What if I can’t keep up?
What if I’m awkward all weekend?
What if I don’t fit in?
The Gremlin voice returned, trying to convince me that I’d somehow ruin the experience—by not being enough or being too much.
So I leaned into the framework again.
I told myself, You don’t have to be the best skier. You don’t have to be the most social. You just have to be there.
I let my Passenger lead.
And it worked.
Throughout the weekend, I danced between all three mindsets—some moments fully Adventurer, others tipping into Skeptic, and many where I let myself rest in Passenger. Present. Engaged. At ease.
Why This Matters—for Students, Leaders, and Everyone In Between
Whether you’re stepping into a new role, navigating an identity shift, trying to connect more deeply with others, or simply figuring out your next move—this framework applies.
It’s not about being fearless. It’s about being aware of how your fear, hope, or uncertainty is shaping your choices. We’re not meant to live in one mindset. The growth comes from being able to move between them—with self-awareness and compassion.
That’s emotional intelligence. That’s conscious leadership. That’s being human.
A Quick Self-Check-In
Here are a few questions to reflect on—whether you’re a college student, a team leader, or simply a person trying to grow:
- Where in your life do you naturally lean into Adventurer, Passenger, or Skeptic?
- Which mindset do you default to when you’re stressed or uncertain?
- Where might a conscious shift help you move forward with more confidence or ease?
You don’t need to force a new mindset. But you can invite yourself to step into one that better serves you—one small moment at a time.
None of us are just one thing. Not in our work, not in our relationships, not in our identities.
The beauty is in the dance. The courage is in the noticing. And the power is in the choosing.
So the next time you find yourself at a crossroads—big or small—ask yourself:
Am I approaching this as an Adventurer, a Passenger, or a Skeptic?
And is that the energy I want to lead with today?