As a relationship expert, I talk about sex and dating a LOT – on TV, in person, on Instagram, and pretty much anywhere people will listen. When I began speaking at corporations, many organizers were afraid to have me – they thought my programs on building relationships would be related to their employees finding a date!
I have a confession though.
The skills I teach singles to meet their ideal match are nearly IDENTICAL to the skills I teach corporate executives to improve their leadership.
People skills are universal.
Good social skills are applicable to every area of your life. Whether you are looking to ace an interview, have an amazing first date, or make a new friend, your interpersonal skills are everything.
Here are three things you can start doing today to create more connections, land that job, and have a great date:
Get Real – We live in a very filtered world. Somehow we’ve convinced ourselves that we have to be perfect to be liked. We have to act a certain way, only show our highlight reels, and hide the parts of ourselves that may be messy. It’s an epidemic. 75% of people admitted to lying about themselves on social media. 60% of people lie at least once in ten-minute conversations. Yet, think about the people that you are most drawn to? I guarantee that they are real. They show real emotions. They talk about their past and path. They own who they are. It’s a process, but beginning to embrace all the parts of you and removing that filter can be a great step to real connections.
Be Present – I don’t know about you, but I have an unhealthy attachment to my phone. Some of my friends have “morning rituals” – they meditate and journal. I scroll through Instagram with one eye open. It’s not ok. Technology is amazing, but it can get in the way of connecting with others IRL. Make an effort to be present in every conversation. Put the phone away. Silence your watch. Focus on whoever is in front of you as if you have nowhere else to be in the world. It will make all the difference.
Have Perspective – Humans are tricky. We are so completely unique. We have different moods, thoughts, and personalities – and they change! No wonder relationship building can be tough. One day you could be happy and carefree, and the next, you’re super stressed and anxious. It’s normal, and a reaction to environmental and situational triggers. Yet, we don’t always give others the benefit of that understanding. We connect with others based on how we feel, with little though to how they feel. Try this – during your next conversation with someone new, pay attention to their cues. Do they seem stressed? Happy? Timid? Meet them where they are at. If they seem stressed, be the calming force. If they’re excited, muster up more energy.
The world is your oyster. Go get ‘em.